Chapter 2 : Why We Say Yes When We Want to Say No


There are a lot of situations where we end up saying yes when we actually want to say no. We do such a thing and then we rue what we have done. In most cases, you cannot go back and renege on your promise. So, you are faced with a situation where you have to do something that you do not want to do, and you have to do it within a particular timeframe, which makes the issue more difficult.

So, why do we do that? Why do we end up saying yes when we should actually have refused something outright?

It is our inborn tendencies that make us do that. There are several reasons why we end up agreeing to everything that comes our way. Maybe it is the need for appreciation, or maybe it is our greed that makes us think that we can do everything that is offered to us. There are so many different reasons why this may happen, but the end result is usually always the same. It makes us feel miserable for having agreed to do what we didn’t want to.

In this chapter, we shall probe into the various reasons that make us accept things as a sort of a reflex action. We shall see why it is our inherent nature to agree to things, and why refusing takes some bit of effort. We will also see how to analyze a particular request that comes our way in such a manner that we can understand whether the best answer for that would be an acceptance or a denial.

Why We Say Yes When We Want to Say No

In life, some things do not make sense. The best explanation that one can give for this is that that is how God wanted it to be. One of these things is saying yes and saying no. Most of us often find ourselves between a rock and a hard place since we find it very difficult to tell somebody no. We opt to say yes even when we are completely sure that we cannot achieve whatever it is we have promised. This can be termed as an ailment that should be dealt with immediately. The first step in dealing with it is knowing exactly why we find ourselves doing this. Here are some of the probable reasons.

Saying Yes Needs No Justification

To start with, most of us avoid giving explanations. Normally, after you say no it is only right that you try and give an explanation for doing that. Reasons such as “I will be busy” come in handy at such a time. This is exactly what most of us tend to avoid when we say yes. To some, this comes about knowingly while others just find themselves doing it unknowingly. You will find that in such cases, one says yes for the sake of saying byes but ends up messing him or herself up.

Saying Yes Creates a Positive Impression… at Least Temporarily

The other reason why saying yes is so easy unlike saying no is the urge to be liked. Deep inside, each and every one of us lies some kind of urge to be liked by those around us; it is just our nature. This urge to be liked leads us to doing some deeds that benefits others but increases stress on us. As a matter of fact, this is the main reason why saying yes tends to be easier. You can find a situation where someone has a meeting to go to in the evening, but they will miss the meeting in order to take the neighbor’s child for a movie. The main reason for this is the deep urge to be liked by the neighbor. Unless we overcome this urge, saying yes will always seem far much easier as compared to doing the right thing; saying no.

We Are Too Mellow Inside

The most common reason is that most of us are too soft hearted. In that case, once someone puts in some flattery in his or her request we have no option but to foolishly follow. This is common between people of the opposite sex. Several phrases always work their magic. A good example is “no one can do it better than you” or “I do not know what I would do without you”. Once someone of the opposite sex uses such phrases when asking for a favor, most of us and especially the weak at heart, say yes without even giving it a second thought. Such behavior never augers well.

There are a number of other reasons that force us into easily accepting to say yes when the correct answer is no. Overall, it is wise to stay strong and stand by what you believe. Do not be easily influenced by those around you.

Join us on Facebook